Faith Bigger Than Fear

Every morning before I get out of bed, I read several devotions, pray, and put on the full armor of God to prepare me for another day of fighting for my recovery from Anorexia Nervosa. Every day I wake up is a gift because logically, medically, scientifically, I should have been dead a long time ago. But it’s my faith that keeps me alive, it’s my Lord that renews my strength and breathes new life into me. It doesn’t make sense. Nothing makes sense. And it’s not supposed to because my God is the God is impossible things, and He proves that to me daily. As I took my first morning nap around 7am, I looked around me and just said “Lord, I am so grateful.” I thanked Him for my bed, my dog, the cool winter air, my support team of medical professionals, my family who has been on this journey with me, my boyfriend who is paying for my treatment, that I was finally able to access treatment at ViaMar after 3 facilities told me I wasn’t good enough, my beating heart, my life. He said to me “Baby girl, trust me.” And it was clear in that moment that He has entrusted me with the life I’ve been given- a supportive family, the love of my life, my dream job-because I’ve remained faithful through all of my doubts and fears. All of the unknowns, unanswered questions, anxiety attacks, mornings where I’ve been so hypermetabolic that I truly thought it was the end, He’s there. And He’s pulled me through every time. I have so many fears, but my faith is bigger than my fears.
I am hopeful.
I am faithful.
I am worthy.