Mental Health

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By: Lindsay Sullivan

I looked at the forecast.
Raincloud. Raincloud. Raincloud.
My heart sank.
In the last several months it has felt like whether the rain is present physically or not, a raincloud is following me wherever my feet are.
I not only wanted the sun to shine on my flesh,
I wanted the sun to shine in my life.
I woke up feeling defeated because somewhere along the line I believed that darkness follows darkness.
The days had continued to grow dark and dreary, and hope felt lost. This constant looming cloud over my head seemed to carry me further into more disappointment and despair.

Little by little with the small, yet big acts of faith like reaching for my Bible even when I didn't feel like it, turning on worship music that didn't always feel the most accurate to my situation, surrounding myself with community even when I was feeling emotionally drained, heading to the gym even when I was feeling exhausted, etc - it was these simple choices that kept my body, mind and spirit alert enough to remind me of the truth.

This is the truth I was reminded of:
Light seeks out the darkness.
In my darkest hour and darkest days,
that's where God is.

On my drive to work as the first rainy day of many came to pass and the dense water droplets found their way to my windshield, I passed by a bright green patch of flourishing trees and grass. God reminded me that rain is necessary to keep the fields alive and green. I had this image that the dark and dreary rain cloud began to pour down rain, just like the rain droplets on my windshield, which in turn became sustenance and nourishment to my parched soul.

In any moment of darkness, death and despair,
God is there, grieving alongside
and ready to sustain and weave beauty into the story.

This is the truth I'm holding onto.

"I will make rivers flow among barren hills and springs of water run in the valleys. I will turn the desert into pools of water and the dry land into flowing springs." - Isaiah 41:18