No Pain, No pretty!

Pain. Ugh gross, please let’s never mention that dreadful 4 letter word. I don’t want it near me and will make it my life’s mission to say no thanks and move on. Ask the only lady to ever wax my eyebrows. While getting ready for my Senior yearbook photos she said, “no pain no pretty!” To which I joyously responded, “I’m cool with being ugly the rest of my life!”

All jokes aside, I have never been the first to acknowledge my pain or discomfort or disappointment. It wasn’t until a week ago that I learned it was okay to be disappointed. Where have I been the past 27.5 years of my life?!

In 2018 my grandma had a life altering stroke at the age of 64. I was in the middle of transitioning to a newish city with a new job. In the midst of something hard, something even more difficult showed up at my door.

Everything changed. My mom became a full time caretaker. My grandma lost the ability to speak and move her entire right side. I was trying to settle in a new role, not just in my workplace but even in my family. One day a couple of months after the stroke I came to relieve my mom of her duties. No one prepared me for the emotions it would take to change the diaper of someone who once took care of you. I remember breaking down in the kitchen.

I was in so much pain.

Over the last 2 years I have done the hardest work to avoid the pain of change and my world flipping upside down. I have cried very little and acknowledged even less of what has happened. But I am happy to report I have now chosen to feel my pain.

I think what the very mean but wise eyebrow waxing lady said might be true, “no pain no pretty.” If I or you, if we don’t acknowledge the pain, we will never see or be thankful for the pretty.

So with that, I’m ready for my pain so I can see my pretty.