Single and So Worth Loving
By: Mallory Ellington
Singleness. It feels like a taboo topic. One that I want to talk about, but one that feels so difficult to bring up. There are people within my circle who hear all my thoughts and all my feelings, especially as they change over the years. But talking about singleness is important to me, it’s a topic I want out in the open. I don’t want anyone to be afraid to say that they love being single or that being single is painful. We are all allowed to feel what we feel and think what we think. I want to say now, before we get much further that what is written here is about my thoughts, feelings, and experiences. I cannot speak for every person who is single, I can only speak for myself.
Being single has given me some incredible gifts. I found So Worth Loving because I did not believe I was worth loving. For years I believed it to be true of others before I could believe it for myself. One of the gifts of singleness for me is that it allowed me to love who I am, without any one else contributing to the narrative. I had to look within to find my value. I had to turn to God to find my value. There was no romantic relationship to contribute to what I thought about myself and all these years later I’m grateful for that. While it was not always the story I wanted, I know that my singleness has gifted me with an assurance that I am worthy of love. I recognize that my understanding of my self-worth has been shaped in the best ways because of my singleness.
It might seem odd to say that singleness is what led me to realize I was worth loving, but for me it is true. Trapped in my own mind and thoughts, I had to come to this truth on my own. I had to choose, for myself, to believe that I was enough. That I was worthy. That I was loved. Just as I was.
God never once said that my worth was tied to my relationship status. My worth has never been associated with whether or not a man chooses to love me. I had to find my worth for me, because I was deserving of knowing my own worth. I needed that for myself because I might not ever get married. I may date again, I might even have another boyfriend. But at the end of the day, right now, it is just me. And at the end of every day, even on the days that are hard, I am worthy of love. Nothing will ever change that beautiful reality.
I can say, with an incredible amount of assurance, that I have never been more confident in who I am and who I am called to be in the midst of my singleness. I was not sure I would ever be able to say that. I know that I was made to love and be loved. I know that I am called to mentor young women. I know that I am called to show up for people in my life when they need me. And none of that is dependent on a relationship. It is dependent on me knowing who I am, on me knowing my worth.
My worth has to be rooted and grounded. For me, it has to be rooted and grounded in who God has declared me to be. I cannot allow something else, or someone else, to come in and speak about my worth.