Singleness

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By: Mary Kellan Carr

Do you ever feel the desire to speak on a topic, but you’re not sure how to communicate your thoughts & feelings into words? That’s me today; however, I have genuine sentences, a heart that cares, & a desire to be vulnerable, so here it goes.

To the ones that feel lonely, I see you. To the ones that want to be in relationships or don’t, I see you. To the ones seeking connection, I see you. To the ones who grew up thinking significant others define you, I see you. To the ones who feel pressure from social media, society, or family members to have already found someone, I see you. To those who have pain, experienced trauma, or deception, I see you. To those who feel shame, I see you.

I see you. But more importantly, God sees you - all of you.

I used to receive advice from people seasons ahead of me telling me to enjoy my time of being single. Nine times out of ten, it would come from someone that has been with their significant other since high school & has never actually experienced a time of singleness - so their advice didn’t seem to hold much truth. And quite frankly, enjoying being single when it seems “everyone” around you isn’t, is hard. Just plain hard.

I was at a local coffee shop with my mentor...and for the record, she’s a world changer, an advocate of women, a believer, and my personal cheerleader. Honestly, I sat across from her complaining and expressing frustrations to her about being single. Instead of getting impatient and frustrated with me, she spoke encouragement over me, challenged me to be kind to myself, and to use my time for personal growth.

I took her advice and this is what I came up with.

My truths: I am kind. I am loyal. I am compassionate. I am a great friend. I am a listener. I am someone that shows up. I am worthy.

I won’t say it’s all glitter & butterflies, but I will say I’ve learned these truths in the past year of singleness. I continue to learn that my story is truly, delicately, & intimately written by the greatest author of all time. And Jesus continues to take care of me & meet me where I’m at - no matter how many backward steps, twists, turns, & 180’s I’ve made.

I like the growth I see in myself from the last year, and I am really proud of the person I am becoming, but I wouldn’t have been able to discover my truths with someone else. It had to be me, a lot of Jesus, & a lot of coffee. And I’m pretty proud of that.

I’m not one who believes that now I’ve worked on myself so someone will show up tomorrow, but I do believe I’m better equipped at loving myself & knowing my worth for when someone comes into my life.

My challenge to you is to find your truths. Write it out - what you’re proud of about yourself & what growth you’ve made - no matter how big or small. Reference your truths daily, because they say more about you than your relationship status - singleness doesn’t define you.