The Chains That Once Bound Me
By: Anays Navarro
Trigger Warning: Suicidal Thoughts
I remember the week before everything unfolded; I was sitting on the bathroom floor of my dorm room crying my eyes out. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t go on with this any longer”, I thought. I sat there for 2 hours and contemplated ending my life, but I was graciously reminded that ever since I was a little girl, I just knew I was going to do something BIG, something amazing. My life was going to mean something. I also thought about how I wanted to get married and have kids and how none of that would happen if I didn’t get the help I so desperately needed.
At this point, I had been walking for years with chains tied up to me. Every year they had gotten a bit heavier. Mentally and physically I was at my end and I couldn’t walk with them any longer. That following week, I opened up to my parents about how I had been abused when I was a little girl. I can remember this day vividly, almost as if it were yesterday. I had believed for many years that if I held everything in and didn’t tell anyone, that no one would get hurt. My parents wouldn’t be devastated, our families would all stay together, and everything would remain ‘normal’. But little did I know that lie would torture me for years. Pay attention to this with me; everything I ever feared about “opening up” and “exposing the truth” was met with, my freedom. When I spoke out, I felt every chain be ripped apart from me with magnificent strength. I remember lifting my arms up to the ceiling with tears streaming down my face and saying, “ I’m finally free, I can finally breathe, the chains are all off!”
And I wish I could tell you everything was perfect after that day, but the reality was I had been through a lot and had suffered a great deal. Healing would take time. At the beginning, it was really hard for me to use my words and express how I was feeling. I would even get mad and frustrated but that’s because I didn’t know how to ask for help. Every day, I learned to approach my challenges with delicate care and accept myself with love, patience and grace. But love, oh love…. love was the hardest to let in but I was willing to try and take things day-by-day, step-by-step.
Looking back, I know that it was God who rescued me that day and graciously reminded me of His BIG plans for my life. He never left my side and I’ll never be able to fully put into words how grateful I am to still be here today. I know this isn’t the end of my story because
“God has more in store for you and I, than we can ever imagine” (Ephesians 3:20)
and that brings me a lot of joy and hope for my future.
I hope that by sharing my story, it will help you or someone you love find this freedom too. If you need help, I encourage you to speak to someone you trust, seek guidance through a therapist or school counselor and come out of this stronger than ever. The truth is we can’t do this alone; we need the help of others. But we can get through this and we will find a powerful redemption through the chaos.
Your life has meaning, no matter what has happened, your purpose and worth have not diminished. There are great plans for your life,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
You are loved, you are seen, and you are heard.
You are so worth loving my friend. So worth loving.